Day 254

It's been 254 days.

There is no high you can reach and no low you can hit that doesn't keep going.  Any high that you can dream of exist and even more so and with every high there is a low.  Deeper lows than you think are even real.

Never forget this principle.

If you are high on dope then you know what awaits you; the comedown, the withdrawal, the pain.  Even when it comes to a high proud look the opposite will find it's way to humble you.

I've tested this universal law time and again.  For every elation there is a depression, for every intense high there is an extreme low.  What I've found as most ideal is to traverse this life as balanced as possible.  Meaning don't seek the extreme highs in life and continue on the rollercoaster of an existence.  Instead seek clarity of mind and in doing that "seeking" you find ways to balance the which seems like chaos.

Life is in a balanced chaos at all times.  What makes it unstable internally is our thoughts and perceived pain.  These perceptions of our thoughts and pain are what drive us to addictions, hatred, and bitterness.  We fight within ourselves the wars of the world.  All of it begins and ends in our mind.

So then, the point to what I am saying is the mastery of the mind.  The personal mind.  The internal stories we play day after day and year after year are the source of all our suffering.  These stories lead us to continual cycles that we feel are inescapable.  But the truth is you create the cycles you are in, no one else did it and no one else can stop them for you.

All your responsibilities in this life are on your shoulders.

Will you hate those that hurt you and use that pain to fill your life and the power of your addiction?  Or take the responsibility for your thoughts and realize that you are the only one that can truly hurt you?

I spent the last decade searching for this single truth; that I am the one hurting me.  I am the one that plays the stories that tell me I am less than, I am worthless, I have this pain or that pain.  I am never going to amount to anything, I want to escape this "hell" and experience utopia, I tell myself.

So seeking out relief from the perceived pain led and leads me to seek after addictive substances.  It makes total sense friends, those of you that seek after addiction, I understand your reasoning.

And who wouldn't seek after a temporal utopia in this literal daily living hell you find yourself in?  I don't blame you and you believing your pain to be actually something real then slamming heroin is the ultimate utopia.  It is the best decision, if the pain was a reality.

Once you come to yourself and can really question that which to you is real you begin to breakthrough into real reality.  And real reality in that all things are balanced, all things are perfect, all things are good.

It doesn't make sense to most people, mostly addicts in the midst of their addictions, but the deeper you go, you find perfection and clarity.

A true utopia and heaven exist.  But it's not somewhere else or a future experience, its here and now and waiting for you to discover it.  People find it, the path is narrow and there are few who truly find it.  It's a seeking I've been striving for decades and it's taken years to even see dimly that which is ultimately true.

That all things are perfect as they are.  That all the pain in our lives come from within us.  That we only heal when we surrender to everything and in that surrendering we serve the world.

My encouragement to you: the road from addiction to utopia begins with small steps in the direction of love.  Love for everyone and everything.  Once you can say thank you and I love you to everyone and every event in your life then you've broken the cycle of hell and have started the journey to a heaven.  And a heaven that is now, not later.

One step, one thought, one desire, in the direction of love.  Start there and then build upon that tomorrow.

Peace and love.