I am not depressed.

2021 was a bit more difficult yet empowering then I had hoped.

1. I made and lost over 2 million in net worth. It was like a rollercoaster ride and my dopamine levels have been fried. I tried to master the markets, both equities and crypto. At the end of 2020 I thought I was was genius. I was overly giving and continued to pour out riches on anyone that was connected to me. I exited my business only to be slapped with a lawsuit that's still ongoing and on top of that 3 million in cash has been held back from the purchase price. In 2022 I plan to decrease my losses and stay fixed on risk management. 

 2. My drug addiction took a turn the last couple years and finally at the end of 2021 things have become sobering. For many years I find myself continually and habitually high on mind altering drugs. It's an issue I've had since childhood and really its highest point of slavery hit a point this year and can go no higher. Today and to the best of my current ability I see a life of sobriety, care for myself, and love extending from me to others. 

 3. Humility was the main lesson for 2021. Building my business, being an influence, having no boss or investors to please, etc. I was at the top and was respected and honored as a super hero. Within me I knew others were just projecting their infatuation toward me and once I took the step to exit the world I created came crashing down. I was depressed and fearful for almost and entire decade while building a business and serving others. My reputation was decimated, my power was silenced, my ability to influence gone. As if I lost all that I worked for the last 10 years. 

Yet, what I lost in reputation, influence, and support I gained within. I gained a broken ego, a loss of imposter syndrome and the greatest gain was the loss of depression. I am no longer depressed. I spent the last 10+ years living in fear, discomfort, and inner rejection. Once I took a stand for the inner turmoil in the eyes of society and in turn endured their rejection I rose from the ashes with my heart and mind in equanimity and the pressure from the external world disappeared. It did take about 16 months to notice the change fully but now, looking back, I find that I am no longer afraid, fearful or worried about the judgment or ridicule of other and/or society. 

 When you can dissolve the fear within you the pain and suffering disappears. How to do that? It's close to impossible in today's modern world but yet that's the story of my life here on earth, making the impossible possible. 

 My advice if it's desired...Your greatest fears become your future realties. That which you fear is attracted to you. So, learn to fear nothing and you will have no depression. Or allow the universe and society to kill your reputation and anything public you stand for and find inner joy in being rather than doing and you'll live a life of clarity and deep lasting joy that is, at all times, reachable. 

 Not an easy year but instead of calling it difficult let's just call it empowering.