Traveling with my wife today to a conference in Hollywood. Again, traveling is a fun thing to do. I feel so much better than the last time we traveled to the HPA event at like day 45 or something. I feel really really good actually.
Drug intake today: 2g kratom, cannabis
For years I would get drinks on the plane or at the airport bar. I would get hammered before I'd get on the plane. I was wreckless. There are so many memories of me high on airplanes. It always seemed like such a fun thing for me to do, travel and get really high.
I feel so much better not drinking. I feel so much better not smoking. I feel so much better when I wake up in the morning and when I talk to people. I'm not in pain anymore.
As addicts we carry so much pain with us it's crazy. It's like a part of us that we can't ever depart from and the more we try to get rid of it the more it strangles us. I once heard a guru say, "pain is necessary until it is unnecessary."
Pain is a tutor. It's only supposed to be a tutor and nothing else. It's not supposed to form us and identify as us. It's there to teach us, guide us, and make us whole. Without pain there would be no gain...without hell there is no heaven...without struggle there is no victory.
Yes, pain hurts. Yes we live in that pain often. Yes it is a literal hell that we choose to endure or hold onto. We have the choice to choose what life we will live. We can be a person that loves or a person that hates. Each day and at every moment we have that choice.
We choose.
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