Day 47

I haven't done anything intently for 47 days in a long time.  Just making sure I write every day about my day has been the challenge.  I think at first it seemed like the only voice I had.  I was in absolute physical pain and I really wanted to make sure I would remember this difficult yet profound journey in my life.

I like being able to be honest and just say what is on my mind.  I've watched so many humans hide their struggle and act like they aren't human.  It's hard to be human.  While we are mammals we are so driven by our minds and it seems to be getting more and more focused on who we are, what we were born to do, and ultimately fulfilling our purpose.

I had many purposes in my life.  Many were selfish, many were ego centric, and many were just human.  Each time I was given a purpose it was shaken to its core and found to be wanting.  It was an ever fading rainbow that never provided contentment or satisfaction. At least not long lasting satisfaction.

Drug intake today:  2g kratom, cannabis.

I'm still craving nicotine but each day it's getting easier and easier.  I really liked nicotine.

To be honest, I'm ready to stop using kratom and cannabis.  It's been a slow process but I feel soon I will step back and be blessed I kept a record to my recovery.  So blessed to be here.