Day 59

Drug intake today: 2g kratom, cannabis.

I've been dosing kratom less but each time I do dose it averages out a bit above 2g.  I got a headache from kratom today and fell that it's time to stop this feel good place that I've been in.  It's been about 4 weeks that I've just been coasting along with this marriage between weed and kratom.  It's a good mix, I like it.  But it doesn't serve me and I fully know it.

I can't forget what I started 59 days ago.  This project has been a daily reminder of my addiction to heroin.

Now being clean-er I can see how people turn back to drugs for escape.  If I was still drinking I'd be easily swayed but due to the fact that I've made a decision to not drink I now have ability to chose right rather than wrong.  I am aware of how I'm drawn toward the cycle of addiction, I can see the triggers and thought patterns I'd usually use or follow.   Just noticing the feelings and thoughts when triggers happen has me very aware of the thought pattern I would always use sub-consciously.  Also, this experience is different at how I see myself and the overall awareness I became aware of recently.  

It seems each time I have a very huge disruption in life I get deep deep insights and really end up wrestling through my thoughts and experiences and coming out much more refined and way more humble.

I'm going to set a deadline.  90 days.  I have about 30 days left.  I'll begin with the cannabis then the kratom.  as much as I like this combo I feel I can inly enjoy the honeymoon so long.  Time to step up.