Day 48

It was a sunny day today.

Drug intake: 1.5g kratom, cannabis.

It's like day 5 without nicotine.  It was a long time for the cravings to subside, I really liked nicotine.  I'm glad it's one thing I won't have to worry about at the moment.  Now that it's over I don't have to worry about its issues that come with use.

I'd really like to quit both kratom and weed soon.  The only way is by replacing it with something that will make me feel better, exercise.  I actually ran on the treadmill yesterday and it felt great.  It was for only 5 minutes though.  Nevertheless, it was good.

I know what to do it's just that doing it consistently is what's hard.  Staying focus like all the guru's say isn't easy for me and the discipline needed seems far away.  The whole idea is to figure out what I want then to go get it.  The issue is that what I want seems to shift and change almost daily in some areas.  What I wanted yesterday is then replaced with what I want today.  My wants and desires flow in and out with each day as it passes.

I've always lived that way.  At least to a certain point.  Always course correcting as I move along in this journey.  My life has shifted so much so many times that my personal values have shifted and changed multiple times in the last two decades.  Every 5 years or so I have to make a major adjustment that parallels with the pattern of my life and existence.  It never seems to be stationary or "figured out."  I'm always searching and trying to figure out life but only with so much focus and desire.

Like everything, I tend to stay focused for a period of time until I either reach the goal or I reach a dead end and have to start over.  Every time I gain a little life lesson.