Day 49

Ever since I was really young I always wanted to be open about drug use.  For some reason when I was a teenager I saw it as a legit thing that meant you were cool.  I would be open about it to friends, family, anyone.  I just always thought it would be more of a help if everyone was just open about their life and the way we live.  I really thought that we all were responsible for helping bring more awareness to the world.

Drug intake today: 1.5g kratom, cannabis.

I've been going back and forth with kratom the last week or so.  1.5 to 2 to 1.5 again.  I'm not eating all the time because I forget or feel I hungry but just don;t take the time to eat.  So I dose kratom instead and it helps with the hunger pains and I get that boost of energy.  It's becoming a necessity sleep more than 6 hours.  I wake up every really early each morning to dose the kratom due to stomach pain.

It's such a low dose you'd think it's not that big of a deal but I'm very aware and I'm still unsure if the disadvantages outweigh the advantages to quitting the kratom.  Being on kratom I don't think about heroin, I don't have cravings for anything else, it's really cheap.  I think a lot of this is mind games to and the last thing I'd want is to be lead back down the path to opiates.  As far away as that seems I know I've thought that same way before.

My goal is in 90 days be substance free and it's day 49.   Lets me just say life is magic when you are fully there.