Day 57

I've always thought it was cool that I got 14 referrals to the principle's office my freshman year.  I would tell that story all the time for years thinking it was crazy and rad at the same time.  Where I came from it was a good thing to get in trouble and push against the status quo and all authority for that matter.  I always hated the rules, always wanted to bend the rules, and have lived a life that resembles that.  The more I realize that I'm creating this life...or co-creating this life the more amazing life gets.

Drug intake today: 1.5 kratom, cannabis.

I don't like antiques, never have.  But for the sake of keeping my wife happy I endure the hardship.  But something changed recently in me.  I've began to think about living for the benefit of others while I am with them.  It's very hard to stay focused on, intentionally, while you are with people and going out and about living your life.  But I tend to remember throughout the day about live g with the benefit of others in mind.

So, this week my wife, two kids, and myself are driving home from Southern Oregon and she spots an antique shop on the side of the highway.  She sees it and says, "Hey look, lets stop." In 16 years of marriage I have never stopped for a store like this.  Mostly an antique store.  Mostly on the side of the highway.

But by the time the sentence fully left her mouth I had already slowed the car down and was pulling off.

She looked at me in amazement as I came to a complete stop.  I smiled at her and said, "What am I doing!"  I have never stopped for my wife in 16 years.  Always focused on the pot of gold and never enjoying life as we fight toward the end of the rainbow.

I was amazed!

At myself.  "Am I really doing this?" I asked myself.  It's not like I don't love my wife and all but when we are traveling (by car) the last thing I have ever desired is to prolong the trip.  And stopping to shop is a huge prolonging of any trip.  And I just have never done it (we had more important things to do).

But this time was different.  My mind is working different lately.  I'm actually looking forward to the awkwardnesses and oddities of an antique shop rather than be annoyed by them.  I spend time now thinking, "what is life trying to show me, how can I learn form this experience, what is the lesson being taught here"

The entire time remembering that I'm trying to live with the benefit of others in mind!

I think it's possible to see from a lens of love and gratitude and soak everything in the universe through those lenses.  It's Heaven on Earth.  It does exist...