Day ThirtyFour

Walking past the hotel bar or noticing someone with a beer this weekend quietly tells me "Thank God!" I don't have to drink.  So many times and for so many years my focus at any event would be let loose and feel good.  "Isn't this what it's all about," my mind would say.  Then the story ends with heroin addiction.

Drug Intake today: 5g kratom, cannabis, nicotine

For me persoanlly, it begins and ends with drinking alcohol.  You see, I'm not an alcoholic -- I'm a drug addict.

It's compromise.

I know if I drink, I personally have compromised and chosen a path of allowing my subconscious to have power and in so doing am feeding my primal side.  It's different to me however using kratom or using cannabis.  I believe how alcohol effects my brain it leads me to always pursue the next feel good moment.

The beginning is a beer or two, then more focus and attention goes on the feel good/no pain primal/animal part of my brain.  The more I focus, care for, and give attention to that side of my life the deeper I go.  And the truth is the deep-end never ends, there is no bottom.  I suppose thats where the idea of an abyss or the bottomless pit came into our thought.

And vice versa the highest of the highs go forever.  There is not a point in life to where you reach it and feel as if you've finally arrived.  There is no ceiling or limit.  It's like the leprechaun and the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, it's always so close but it forever fleeing.  So it is in life and success.

What I've come to realize through all of this is that you need to know what serves you and what doesn't and live in the most balanced way.

Why would I choose a life of fatigue, depression, and sorrow?  When I can choose a life of energy, vibrance, and joy.  Why would I dwell on all the pain in life and forget the love?  When I can remember all the love and dissolve the pain.

Choosing what is good for you is a responsibility for a balanced life.  Everyday, you create, choose, become.  Choose wisely.