Day 53, 54, and 55

Today is Sunday.  I left town Thursday to attend my mothers memorial service.  While I remembered to post I figured adding all days into one will work due to the nature of the trip and the time it actually takes to travel...with a family.  Still I've never done anything like this for more than 50 days in a row so that by itself is pretty cool.

Drug intake the last 3 days: 1.5-2 kratom, cannabis.

I've gotten in this mini routine where I dose my kratom and cannabis fairly regularly.  So much to a point that I'm usually always under the influence of one of the substances.  I really would like to be able to balance this combination if possible.  As much as I want to be fully substance free I do have this fear that I will start craving dope at some level.  Where I am at the moment really seems to be a good spot.  I totally don't want to just stay here, I want to grow, but it's hard I suppose to want to really give them up.  Just being honest.  That's a huge reason why I write this anyway, I want to be open and honest.  I want to really share what real thoughts I have and how I struggle through them.

What I've realized is that we all can live whatever lives we want.  I have tested and this principle in life many times and in hundreds of different ways.  We all have the ability to make our life, and in a sense, co-create with what we've all been given or received.  Some choose to go one direction and others choose another.  Each has their own values.  Each given their own mind.  Each received a choice to choose.

Some choose scarcity and laziness.  Others choose abundance and passion. Whatever path we choose their is consequence both good and bad.  Living our lives with the benefit of others in mind is key.  It wouldn't be possible every second of the day, to live for others, but consistently and as much as possible would be decent wouldn't it?  What would a life like that look like and what would the rewards be?

We all know that taking and using things that may not be benefiting us, even though it may be legal, is not not beneficial.  Yeah, not not.  Becasue there may be benefit in moderation...if moderation is even possible.  

mod·er·a·tion

ˌmädəˈrāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. 1. 

   the avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behavior or political opinions.

   "he urged the police to show moderation"

   synonyms:

   self-restraint, restraint, self-control, self-command, self-discipline; More
2. 2. 

   PHYSICS

   the retardation of neutrons by a moderator.