day 7...

Don't feel good at all.  A ton of fatigue, bed ridden, been out of the house once yesterday and it was just for 10 minutes.

I waited the entire 24 hours a took 4mg subs.  It took 4 hours for it to really work correctly.

So its been 51 hours since I dosed heroin.  That's amazing!!!

I was an inch away from dosing another hit of heroin but for some reason I decided to ride it out.  I figured I was this far, why not keep going knowing how disappointed I would have been if I re-dosed some H.

So in that I felt victorious.  But, I still feel like shit after I woke up.  I did have to take some xanax to fall asleep due to the aches and pain.

They say that it takes a couple days to stabilize on subs but this really sucks.

I have no energy.  I have a headache.  My muscles and joints still hurt.  Overall I know why I do opaites.

All I want to do is lay in bed.  Thankfully, I don't work and get paid a huge amount of money from my business so it's not like I'm needed for anything.

What I'm going to do is just ride this out and keep this journey so I can at least look back on it when I feel like using again.  It takes days man, don't start, the withdrawal is so not worth it.

While the opiate high is fantastic at first what happens is that it begins to dull everything in life.  Zaps my creativity, drive, focus, care about things, relationships, isolation, fear, and suppresses all feelings, good an bad.

It's day 7 of this experiment and it's probably the worst I have felt. Well today and yesterday, they are about the same.  Except now the emotions are coming.  I've buried a ton recently and they are really coming out in a big way.

Been crying on and off throughout the day.  And I cry like never.

Oh yeah, and I have't eating much other than some fruit and a bowl of cereal.

Hopefully, as the crap leaves my system I'll gain strength and ability to finally get out of bed.  Until then, i'll be lying here.