Day Nineteen

I finally got some real good sleep last night.  Is still took a few hours to fall a sleep but when I did, I did!  I got at least a solid 6 hours.  It's amazing how good you feel when your body is living on it's own made up energy.  Being on dope creates it's own energy.

Drug intake today:  15g kratom, cannabis, and some Tylenol last night to help sleep.  I upped my kratom dose because I dosed real early and needed a bit of help through the day.

I will begin to taper my kratom down to 1g and then stop.  I wanted to stop this weekend as planned but I feel it's helping keep my mood and mental state more balanced.  After withdrawal you have what's called PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptom).  Anything from insomnia, to nightmares, to depression, and to fatigue are all symptoms of PAWS.  They say it can last for months and even years for long time users.

So kratom helps keep me from touching those edges so early in my recovery.  It will only be used sparingly and not for much longer.  Plus, the issue of using natural herbs (kratom and cannabis) rather than chemical medicines seem more decent according to my values.

Speaking of values, I've noticed my have shifted through all this.  While I'm still very much interested in success and business, I find my family to be at the top of my value list.  What I have now and what I've spent the last 20 years building is exactly what I want.  I've been laboring at it for so long and this entire time barely even noticing that I already have it all.

I know this is the honeymoon phase after hard withdrawal but I'm not going to allow that to stop me from having joy.  The hard part of addiction isn't always getting out, it's staying out.  I feel I have some very mind blowing tools to keep me from the dope chain forever.  I will be sharing and practicing these tools through the next 70 days as I continue to write.

As for today, lets just say that to be fully fulfilled and content is to accept what is.