Day Fifteen

Didn't sleep more than an hour last night, it was one of the most horrible days of this detox.  It was absolutely the withdrawal of the Suboxone I was taking.

Everything was a chore again.  Using the bathroom, brushing my teeth, eating, everything was a chore.

I was so desperate that I even called the local Suboxone clinic to see if I could get on maintenance.  Thankfully they had a waiting list and I had to look elsewhere.

I did have a lot of heroin left, it wasn't in reach while I was detoxing but I kept it just incase something this bad happened.  And it was this bad and if I had heroin with me I would have, without a doubt, dosed last night.

I took a bath at 5:30 in the morning and it was well worth it, very hard to do, but worth it.

Once I returned to the town I live I was desperate for something to relieve my pain and fatigue.  The heroin wasn't an option so everything I had left was flushed today.  It's over, my love affair with my friend heroin, it's over.

Then a miracle happened.  Kratom!

I have always had some Kratom around so if wanted or needed a simple mood lift, it was available.  I have been addicted to Kratom in the past but slowly weened myself off of it and it was nothing like heroin or Suboxone withdrawal.  Not even close.

Once I dosed 5mg Kratom within 15 minutes my fatigue started to subside.  I could stand up and not have to go directly to a bed.  I actually felt very normal, way better than I've been the last few nights.

Kratom is exactly what I needed to dull the cravings and not have to be on Suboxone.  I just wish I would have thought of it earlier.  It freaking works though, so good for my current situation.

So my drug intake today was 20mg Adderall, 5g of Kratom, some Cannabis, AdvilPM, and Tylenol.

The last dose of Adderall will be tomorrow.

Last night I did dose .2 clonodine to help sleep but all it did was keep me from going crazy.  I dosed another .2 clonodine about 6 hours later but still didn't sleep.

So I've slept about 4 hours entirely the last 48.  Very tired still but thankfully I came back to life due to Kratom.   Kratom is such a perfect relief for the later days of withdrawal.  It helps ease the pain, lifts your mood, and provides a bit of energy.

I will be dosing Kratom for the next few days to help get me back to center.  I will dose 5g two or three times a day, matters how I feel.

My one goal today is to be able to sleep.  This has been a hard couple of weeks but I'm thankful that I've been able to endure it, I barely made it out.  It was very very fucking hard.