Day Twelve

Single minded.

That's what you are when you're feeding your addiction, whatever it might be.

As I'm still detoxifying I'm noticing how much more option their is in life.  Under the bondage of dope theres is only one option.

My drug intake today was 20mg adderall, ibuprofen, some weed and only .5mg of xanax to sleep last night.  I did only sleep about 6 hours, took a bit to go to sleep and then woke up fairly early.

I'm still fatigued, it comes in waves.  I still feel neck pain and back pain.  My bones still could use some soothing.  Again, it's hard to eat but when I do, it's magical.  I can taste again.

I have been smoking too much weed because I can fell that it's making me more heavy.  Help's big time with numbing the pain.   But I'm going to cut it down to once or twice a day and see how my energy is.

As I was running up the stairs in my hotel as I got to the top and was out of breath, I realized, this feels like getting high.  Hearts pounding, blood is pumping, etc.  You feel a dose of good high in those moments.

I always took the route of not having to run up the stairs to feel high though, always seeking the easiest way with the least amount of pain.

I will work to make a life that chooses the most balanced way.  Not one way or the other, I will try both ways and then decide myself which one is more balanced.  Usually there are multiple ways to one end in life, why not be adventurous and and experience as many as you can on the way there.

Then be you.