Day 9...

Wow, 9 days.

Opiate addiction, of any sort, is a bitch.  It's such a love/hate relationship.  I love it but goodness I hate it just as much.

Today I have finally gotten enough energy to freakin get out of bed.  Finally went outside, in the snow, and went to get some food.

I dosed 1mg subs today.

I'm going to rapid taper my dose because the last thing I want is to be on Suboxone forever.  I've done it before and it's the longest drawn out annoying thing ever.  You think 9 days is long, shit, Suboxone withdrawal fells like an entire month.  Yeah, it's not as hard but the lingering pain consistently is just the worst.  I remember wanting to do oxy's to cover the sub withdrawal and then start the cycle all over again.

Today I still feel fatigue but its not even as bad as its been.  I still have cravings and this sorta underlining yearning for something to satisfy.

You know it's like your bones are crying out for comfort.  That kind of feeling.

I could cover it up with xanax but I decided to go natural and smoke some marijuana.  I have't even smoked pot in months.  Now it's one of the best remedies at day 9.

I am someone that doesn't like professionals.  I mean, I would rather be under my own supervision than under someone else.  They don't know me, why I'm me, what I've experienced in life.

Professionals only know their field of study and their own opinions based off some kind of research which in 50 years will be proven wrong anyway.

I want to be the maker of my own destiny.  Not the state.  Not the government.  Not any doctors.

Going threw this detox alone without the help of anyone is proof that you don't need help.  You don't need assistants.  Fact is, you don't even need another person.

If you choose that then cool and I'm all for you.  But from what I've learned in life once you surrender to what ever it is you disagree with you will give up all power you once held in that area.  You will be the slave to whatever you bow to, in spirit and in life.

I was getting the best heroin you can find in the world sent directly to me through the darknet.  I was living off of a $3000-$4000/month habit of the good afghan #4.  Up to 2 grams a day everyday.

Remember, I run a multimillion dollar company so money is and never was an issue.  Why stop then right?  Well, I began to lose all real feelings and just feel what heroin was doing.  I was coping with the struggle and stress of life rather than dealing with it.  And I need to deal with it without the help of my drug of choice.  Plus, I could tell it was starting to kill me.

After tapering for a couple weeks I began to induce subs into my system.

It took at least 3 days from my last dose of heroin to be able to get out of bed and go outside.  My habit was big with the best quality H in the world.

And I stopped on my own, without professionals, without doctors, without a detox center.

And I'm not an idiot and understand PAWS.  All I'm saying is that those that say you have to do it this way or that because the book says it, tell them to fuck off.

You can do whatever you like and I'll never judge you.  I wanted to do this experiment to see if it would work.  And it did.

It wasn't painless but it wasn't that bad either.

No restless leg, chills for only one day and that was on and off, muscles hurt, pain in the bones but still bearable.  That was it, oh yeah, and all the emotion you start feeling again.

The best thing about it all.  My mind is finally clear.  Getting clear.  I've missed that more than anything.

9 days!!!! I really did it.  It really worked.